Hello Apathy

I can now say I am free. I'm tired of pretending to care or acting like she is so special. I'm tired of making her think that the world revolves around her and who she chooses. I'm going to put my foot down from now on.
That's part of my New Years resolution. It goes along with getting my driving license, getting a job, dress nicer, and.... be more spontaneous. I feel that I can be myself, but that's kinda boring. I want to take it to the next step and be someone else!
Oh god... I surely am great.

You may all call me 'Guild Master Scott' from now one, thank you.

Confused

I'm just confused. Plane and simple. I don't get it. When things were starting to go good, it falls just like that. I don't get why.
This is the first time I have felt this alone. I feel so vulnerable.
This is the only time I can say that I have it worse.

Politics

Politics drives me nuts. It's a passion of mine that I can argue about for hours, and being conservative in a liberal city doesn't help things out. But when does it get to the point that I become a hypocrite? Eventually, I start not excepting others views just to make them except mine.
Politics is a bad habit of mine

Good friends

I think being a good musician isn't about how well you play or how well you can count rhythms. I don't think it's about doing all the "floop floops" and cool stuff on your horn. Being a musician is about everyone else's skills. Being a musician is about how you got there. Who has moved you and inspired you. So... maybe playing music is not always about playing with the best people you can find, but holding on to your roots.

Just feel better

Santana plus Steven Tyler (lead singer Aerosmith). What could be better?

Summer

Summer has come, and almost as quickly it has gone. School is going to start soon and this year, like every year, there are several things I'm looking forward to. Some being band, some being school, some being relationships, but all seem to be the same as previous years. I'm still shocked that I'm going to be a Junior. After this I'm looking down the barrel of senior year, and when that comes I'm going to have the same feeling I have at the end of every summer.

There's my baby! :) (It's the one in the middle)

Fuller

My private lessons teacher, Mr. Fuller, has been starting to slip. According to Rheo, Mr. Fuller got laid off because he wasn't showing up enough to the shop. He is a salesmen, so he doesn't need to show up everyday, probably not even every week. He needs to make sure that the orders for the mouthpieces (or horns)get to the store in a timely fashion. He mustn't been showing up very much at all.
Maybe it's time for a new trumpet teacher. It's just not this one time. It seems like things have been getting worse with his teaching. Things keep slipping and he keeps on forgetting about stuff. I'm starting to get to the point that it's becoming hardwire for me. Half the stuff I use to do to worry about, I don't anymore. It's becoming second nature and I don't want to pick up some bad habits.
Rachel says I should wait, and maybe that's the best option.

I WANT MY NEW TRUMPET!!! WHEN IS IT GOING TO BE READY?!?

Something More

So everything is back to normal... kinda. Cory back from Africa, which is pretty cool. I'm getting a little tired though getting asked how he is doing and being his messenger. Rachel is back from China, and I'm happy for that. She has changed though. I'm still trying to figure out if it's superficial, or real. Somethings are good, somethings are bad, and some I'm not sure.
So everything is back to normal (kinda), I thought it would be a good thing. It really made me realize how unhappy I am. What the hell? Something has got to change. I need something, or maybe I just want it. This feeling isn't new. I'm short on patients, irritable, and I realized there are a lot of stupid people in the world. Should I just go to Montana again?
I would love to go to Montana, but that isn't going to fix anything. Mom has controlled her drinking problem, at least so I think. She got fired from work before school got out and is only now starting to work again. She went back to her old job (one before dental hygienist), doesn't make since to me why. You spend all this time on finding a better job and going through school to just return. So if a go to Montana, it's just stretching out the budget even more, and it's only a quick fix.
What now?
Maybe it's time to call things off with Rachel, but I don't want to do that. Things aren't great, but it's better then nothing. I'm also happy when I'm with her, I just need to learn to turn off the part that cares when I'm not happy.
Maybe I should form a band. That would be so much fun, but I need a drummer, bass, and piano. Does anyone know anybody that well work? People that I like to? (that takes out ours, FYI)
Maybe it's time to redo my room. Buy a stand for my monitors to mount on my wall. Maybe get some stuff to make it more acoustic. Buy a nice microphone for my computer. Move some stuff around. But once again, quicker fix and cost to much money.
I'm bored and overwhelmingly depressed most of the time.

Mario

So I was over at Jon's and I was playing Mario with his little sister. I was so in the game that when she left, she gave me her controller. Before I knew it, I was playing two people. This IS the original Mario, the NES one, and I can't stop playing the game. I've gotten good at it, if I may so myself. My only wish is that people weren't afraid to play with me...

I'm Back

I thought about putting a big post up my first time back, but I don't want to set a high standard. I'll probably post something this weekend. Tell me what you think of the new theme.

Leaving

I'm going to leave bloggers for a bit. I don't have anything to write about so I think I'm going to hide my blog. When Some more good stuff starts to build, I'll be posting.
Blog goes off at May 19.

Bloggers

I've been thinking about blogger lately. It's kinda cool what it does, for free we can post our own ideas and let others get easy access to them. Ah, the miracle of modern technology.
So, I have a question. What is blogger? The by-the-book definition is a website that allows you to create blogs. But to me, it's so much more. It's a place to express myself by writing. Maybe I'm not the best writer around, but I have fun trying. I can post idea's, events, and things I like on my blog. The thing I like the best about it is that if you don't want to read my blog, you don't have to. Freedom of speech mixed with freedom of not caring. Tell me what you think blogger is. (if you post on my blog about it, try to keep the comment kinda short...)

Just an Idea

I swear it's from a movie or something, but here it is:

A person is just a person unless they have one thing. It's not a dream. It's not money. It's an idea. People well forget someone, but an idea lives on. I believe that an idea isn't something that you think about and come up with, it's something that comes to you. It comes from people that you have befriended. Your own idea should be ideas you like from other people. It should be a mixture of the people you respect.

If it is from a movie, let me know on aim.

Pet Peeve

My biggest pet peeve is about this girl. She is not a pretty girl, she is not a nice girl. She is a rather crude girl. I wish I could put 10 miles between her and I, but I can't. She rides my bus. I could sit on the other end, but she is loud. Her voice is like a sword separating everybody's. She Curses every other word. The thing that bugs me the most though, is what she complains about.
"Guy's are so ****ing immature. They are all son of ****. They are ****ing rude."

She is ignorant and one of these days I'm going to tell her to shut up. She needs to learn how to be descent. No one should curse that much, especially some spoiled, ugly, brat.

Dancing

Going to a ball and seeing everybody dressed up makes you feel like a higher class. It's fun to dress up for a band concert, or a regular dance, but this is so much more classy. This is dancing.
Once you got past the whole parents telling their kids that they-have-to-go-because-it'll-be-cute, it was beautiful. Some of the girls were drop-down gorgeous, I had the prettiest though. Rachel was beautiful beyond words, she seemed to feel it too. She had that energy about her that made her that way.
The one moment that I'll never forget was when we were dancing a fox trot. Rachel and I were in the middle with everybody around us. We were turning inside the circle and everybody seemed to give us that room. For that moment, the ball was just about us. Just about Dancing, just about fun.

Problems

Secrets are awful. Even though I have my fair share of them, I wish there was no secrets. Secrets are something that we don't want people knowing because we aren't sure how to handle the impact it'll have on the world. Most of the time, people around us can't handle it either.
When I got back from Disney Land I found a secret. It has been a secret hidden for a year atleast. I know when this secret is a problem by not the person that has this problem, but by someone else. Someone very close.
Alcohol turns the best of people into the worst.

From the great words of a good friend:
"Happy bunny-rabbit-with-too-much-time-on-his-hands day!"
-Jordan

Beauty of it all

I am numb, and now heartless. I have lost all beauty. My world has turned from happy, to sad in a single action.
I have stared hatred in the eyes. I have been demoralized.
I feel worthless.

GIRLS GONE WILD!!!

When ever spring break comes about, for some reason I think of Girls Gone Wild. Not that I have ever seen the show, or ever well.
So far this spring break has been exciting. A lot of bad stuff has happened, but it comes with the good. I think this is the most eventful spring break I have ever had. I would feel you all into the details, but most of you know part of it and the other part doesn't needed to be known.
So my ever most popular debate between what I should get just got harder. I have a choice, trumpet or laptop. Then something new came into mind, a cornet. Cornets are just like trumpets but have some advantages. They are a much faster horn (for example, trumpet VS. tuba), are better for solo work, and a lot more fun. Disadvantages, Not for jazz band or really even regular band. I kinda wish that I didn't have to make this choice...

Demons

Lately I've been fighting some of my demons. It's amazing how many I find hiding. I've been focusing on the things I need to face, things that should no longer cast a shadow over my life. One of the things I've been working on lately is how I treat people. I've been watching what I say about people. Seems silly because I was taught I shouldn't talk behind people's backs when I was younger, but I still do.
Something else I've been doing to find my demons is watching people and how they act. If someone does something to annoy me the first thought that goes in my mind is "why?" People must have a reason for acting the way they do and the least I can do is try to understand. Second thing that enters my head is, "do I do that?" If it annoys me, it probably annoys other people too. Also, it would be hypocritical of me to do that action.
Life has so much in store, I really don't want my demons to hold me back.

bored

Lately I've been bored. Nothing interesting is happening and I am starting to lose inspiration. My patients isn't there any more and their is a lot of stupid people out there.
I need something new.
I need inspiration.

My Beautiful Evening...

So instead of going to Semi formal, Rachel and I decided to have a night in. Here was the plan:
Dinner; candle light, homemade, formal, just the two of us.
Movie; Big screen, Fireplace, just the two of us.
I was looking forward to it for a long time. My aunt called, they are coming down. They have to pick up there daughter from the airport that is flaying in from Arizona. The whole night down the drain. We ended up eating and watching the movie in my room.
I'm sorry Rachel, I'll make it up to you.

Just A thought...

Everyone has secrets, there is no denying it. Sometimes we lie about it. One reason, we aren't supposed to know. Second, we think sometimes it's more then someone can handle. Third, we are embarrassed.
How come each lie feels just as bad as the others?

This week

This week is the week I've been waiting for. A lot of stuff is going to happen this week and i think I'm ready.
First thing, Cory is heading off. He is leaving Wednesday and I'll be missing most of school for it. He wont be back for 6 months. He had his parties yesterday. His first one was family. I knew a lot of the people and could talk to them. The second one was friends. mostly from church so i didn't really recognize them. I seen Jenen and her new baby and ended up talking to Jae for about two hours.
Second thing, Rachel is really ill. She hasn't been taken good care of herself and it's starting to catch up. I have the same bug as she does but I'm taking it way better then she is. She went to the hospital yesterday and they told her it's just a common cold and that her immune system is week. Hopefully she gets better because she's in a lot of pain.
Last thing is the solo contest. I was practicing yesterday and Cory came in and told me that i sounded really good. I have all my solo down but the very last part. I'm going to place this year, I'm going for first. Good luck to the other soloist out there.
Off topic, I tried new horns this week. I'm exited, the one I want is just amazing.

Shoping

I need... want a new phone. It's time to upgrade to something a little more classy. Here is what I've found:
I like the phone. It's Motorola with all the basic stuff. Blue tooth, two MP camera, Mp3 player, flip. I wish though it brought something else to the table that others don't.

This is what I'm leaning to so far. The Iphone is nice, but there is a major but. $600? That's a lot of money for the phone that I don't think I'll get full use out of. Tell me what you think of this phone or if you now of another phone that I should look in.

Waiting

I've never felt this way, or at least to this extreme. I'm just sitting and waiting...
Recently I have gotten back to the groove of school. It seems like I've been doing less homework and more time with friends and family due to better time management. I'm actually thinking about picking up a part time job and getting my perment. The drama of life is still acting, but what is there to do. I've become more numb to the pain and more time on the beauty of life.
You can only be so numb.
I feel like I'm loosing parts of me here and there. I feel like I can handle all the stupid drama that goes on around me, but I'm waiting for the big stuff. My grandpa has just found out he has cancer. Skin cancer to be exact, and the doctors say it isn't something that's gonna kill him. No kimo, no massive drugs, just doctor appointments. My family is getting older.
My grandma is in the hospital (other side of the family, dad's). She has probably had another stroke. The last time I talked to her on the phone she told me she was getting tired and that her body is starting to get old. I already knew that so if she's telling me that, she knows it's coming.
To top it off Cory is leaving. Holly crap, he's leaving. It's starting to hit my like thoughs spicy burritos (i hate thoughs things.... three glasses of water to put down one). What am I supposed to do besides except it. He is there for me, maybe I don't tell him all my problems but he gets my mood up.
I keep telling myself just one more day and keep finding the things to get me through them, but i'm still just sitting, and waiting.

(New background, I'm not sure if I like it or not. I like how smooth it rolls, but I'm not sure of the colors. Let me know what you think.)

Landing In London